My quotes

Once upon a time, I worked on the editorial page of Deccan Herald, a newspaper in Bangalore. While this is no achievement in itself, it serves as a context for what is to follow.

During this time, I worked on a section wherein you had to select and print a quotation made by someone famous. This was the most fun part of the page and I made sure I selected quotes that had a certain 'quality' about them that would either make you smile, sit up and think, or get provoked. This exercise had a kind of sub-conscious effect on me, as I discovered later.

One day, a good friend of mine - Leslie Vincent I might add, for posterity - found it advisable to counsel me in a most loving, friendly manner on a certain matter. He said, "You know Prem, I learnt things the hard way." In my trademark fashion, I was adopting a certain lightheartedness throughout the conversation, while digesting the salient points. So I replied, "Actually Leslie, the easiest way to learn anything is the hard way," or something to that effect. It suddenly struck me that I had said something quotable. At least I liked it. So from that day on, I began noting down any bit of witticism that crossed through my mind. These quotations, some good, some not equally great, grew into quite a list. So I have decided to put them down here, and update them as time goes on. I will even try putting in a background for each one, wherever possible. So here goes...

The easiest way to learn anything is the hard way.
(The first in the series...)

I don’t like wasting time with people who don’t like to waste it with me.
(When mulling on the problem of fair-weather friends)

Cardiac arrest is the old-age cure for living.
(Written soon after news of former Indian Prime Minister P V Narasimha Rao's death came in)

I have more fashion within me than without.
(My reply when asked by a friend, jokingly, if I could write a report on a fashion event for her)

Some people can’t make up their minds so they make up their faces instead.
(In conversation with a reporter)

Almost everything is good in moderation, except goodness itself.
(One of the many thoughts I have in the bathroom)

Some people are too good for their own good.
(Followed the previous one)

Passion is the root of all irrationality.
(Just like that...)

Anyone can be generous if he has a generous income.
(When pondering on low salaries in the newspaper world)

The less meaning you might make of a saying (unlike this one), the more profound it invariably becomes.
(Just a wise crack)

Not all men are snobs. Some are only shy.
(Written soon after a girl, who became my friend, told me that she hadn't done so previously because she thought I was a snob and had deliberately avoided her. To which I replied the above)

Baby girls
Baby girls are such a treat
With their wavy curls and dimpled cheeks.
But let them grow
And then you’ll know
How baby girls can really be.
(When dropping off my mom at her school once, I saw a small girl on the street, and the innocent sweetness of her face set off a chain of philosophical thoughts in my mind, which I compiled into a limerick, which didn't really rhyme as it turned out later...)

When it comes to using the honeyed word, there’s no better one than ‘honey’ itself.
(Just nonsensical)

Law of the canteen: It takes two upseated butts to move a bench.
(Speaks for itself)

The trouble with cliches is that most of them are actually true.
(No real memorable background)

These days you don’t kiss and make up; you kiss and make out.
(After a friend of mine shared a piece of her love life with some of us)

Calculated risks are fine provided you don’t calculate them too much.
(Bathroom wisdom again)

I’m prepared to form an enduring friendship with anyone, provided that someone is prepared to endure it with me.
(Same as above)

A husband and wife are like the two parts of a bottom: although there are two, it still is one.
(This is private...)

The one generalisation that men love to make is that women love to generalise.

I’m not afraid of dying; I’m only afraid of the way it might happen.
(When contemplating, with some seriousness, on the promised persecution for Christians in the last days)

The reason why many people don’t dream big is that they don’t sleep enough.
(I sleep a lot... apparently)

The only trouble with desk jobs is there’s a greater likelihood of you developing boils on the bottom.
(I developed one myself...)

A corollary is a scientist’s way of saying, “On the other hand.”
(When on a holiday. The exact context I can't remember)

I like winter simply because it is the opposite of summer, and I would’ve liked monsoon too if only it didn’t rain so much.
(I hate summer, and I thought bringing in the monsoon too would make it more humorous)

The reason, I think, the love between man and dogs is truest is that there are no hormones involved.
(When walking my dog recently, I recalled a movie I had watched that talked about hormones and romance)

The only problem with long hair is you cannot scratch the back of your neck too easily.
(A practical problem I discovered recently when at work)

Having a sympathetic friend around is like visiting the loo. There is great relief when you unload.

(Guess where I discovered this one? In the loo of course...)

Nowadays, 'earning your daily bread' literally means being able to afford a pizza every day after work.

(I was nibbling away at a rather large pizza after work when I got 'inspired')