A comment by a new friend on Facebook on my last post

Akanksha Tyagi 27 October at 19:01

Accidently found your blog and after reading the engagement blog made me write here. its such a nice feeling to be loved and more importantly to be expressive about it. And u do it loud and clear on this platform. Congratulations to both of u. I can understand the feeling as even i got engaged last month :)
Cheers, Akanksha (a friend of Priya Rajendran)

I'M ENGAGED!!!

It is fitting that I write this blog after the space of nearly a year, especially because my last post spoke about my resolutions for the New Year. And if you go through that post very carefully, you will note that one of my resolutions concerned finding myself a wife and, with her, making resolutions for the next year.

Now, lest you be misled by my last statement, my priority is not to have support for making my next year's resolutions, though such support is always welcome - especially from a loving wife, but rather to actually find that wife. And this, I might say with some satisfaction in my heart, seems to have become a reality. Which is also why I am writing this post now. I promised my beautiful fiancee I would have it ready before morning, though she, being the sweet, considerate soul that she is, told me not to stay up and put myself through the trouble. So I did just that, because trouble is just what loving fiances do to sweep their beloveds off their dainty feet (and man, my fiancee does have the daintiest feet you have ever seen).

Well, I did not actually find the wife myself. Nor is she my wife yet. The story goes something like this, in a nutshell. After going on for most of my life (28 years to be precise) without having so much as a single fruitful relationship, I began to think that I must have some chronic problem with my ability to impress the softer sex. I mean, it's not like I don't have the potential. There must have been something in me that drew girls to me when I was so high. In class 2, I was the king of all Casanovas. Little girls in blue pinafores used to chase me everywhere. That's not to say I was this huge hunk either. I was just about as little as them.

But then something happened after I crossed over into the world of adolescence and then adulthood. All of a sudden, my boyish charm had no effect anymore on the merry lasses. Nor did my merriness either. I mean, they did laugh heartily at my jokes, but all the while when on the arms of their hunky men. Not that I held it against them. I was always distracted by their laughter at my jokes. It's when the laughter stopped, however, that the pain hit home with all its brutal force. I learnt then to adapt my jokes to different situations, so that girls wouldn't give me that look which told me, "Prem, you're a nice guy, but you're also a nice dork." Then the laughter would return, and I would return home with a contentment in my heart that if I didn't have a girl, I did at least have the ability to make some people laugh. Which is something to live for. But not for long...

As I was beginning to push 28, I decided it was time I got some help with finding a wife. After all, the Bible says that he who finds a wife, finds a good thing. It says nothing, however, about he whose parents find a wife for him, but well, the Bible is full of such people whose parents did exactly that - and one of them actually became the father of Israel. Well, not him exactly - it was actually his father - but you get the picture. So we people are destined for greatness. And besides, everytime I think of my beautiful, God-fearing fiancee, I know that life couldn't be any better or sweeter, and that God is in His heaven, and all is right with the world.

So here I am. Or rather, here we are - my fiancee and I. We got engaged on October 10 this year, and that was truly a red-letter day in my life. I won't go into the details, except to say that Priya - which is her name - looked especially beautiful that day, and I felt especially happy, and our parents looked pleased as punch, and my infant nephew and niece looked like they wanted to sing, if they could. All these factors combined to make it a most perfect day, and I wouldn't be lying if I said that ever since that wonderful day, I have been walking around with an extra spring in my step, and I have stopped seeing nightmares at night. I have also been sleeping with a soft smile playing on my lips - that is what I believe, and I am sticking to that story. Proof enough? Well, even if you don't think so, my advice to you would be - never argue with a man in love!

Another New Year

It's another year, one that promises to be much better than the one before, though I have no way of knowing for sure. But I speak as one who knows that it is better to have some faith in mankind and the world than none at all. True, the world that awaits some of us above is going to be better than even all our imaginations put together can imagine, but it's still worth it thinking that where we are now still does hold some good, as much as it does hold water. In that light, I have put forward two resolutions for the year:

1. To write that long-unfinished novel of mine... unfinished for the simple reason that it hasn't been started just yet.

2. To get married by December... and with my wife to make new resolutions for the year to follow thereafter. I can tell you one of my resolutions though: It will be to finish that long-unfinished novel of mine.

All things considered, it has been a pretty great year. I got promoted to editor, got a laptop, lost a good boss, got such a cool guy to replace him, and... best of all... got an award for being what they called a 'star performer' for the year. And I was also promised to be made a permanent employee. For which I continue to wait in all patience. Okay, I know everything seems to revolve around my work. But by next year, all this should change.

One of my female colleagues did rather screw up my New Year for me. But we will not talk about her. She is already forgiven... I hope...

What exactly is a knee-jerk reaction?

I have to write something on the Mumbai terror attacks/hostage situation of last week. Everything within me cries out to do so. I did, in fact, write something last week but removed it one day later because it was downright stupid (yes even I write stupid stuff sometimes, I should humbly admit).

There's been a lot of outcry from people and friends around me. The media, especially NDTV, has been accompanying their emotional coverage with tears in eyes and wailful background music, with captions like 'Enough is enough' sliding across the screen. Nobody of course buys into such shit, but we still need such media to use as fora on which to share our emotions. We use the media just as much as it uses us.

I have been hearing a lot of emotional outbursts around me by one and all, and naturally so. Even I have burst into such tirades against politicians in general, on many occasions, but on reflection have later realised that such generalisations are pretty useless. I even had quite a few choice words for terrorists in general, but here again, I realised that the targets of my rage are just as thick-skinned as the politicians who are supposed to keep them away from us.

In all the storm of emotions that has been swirling all about me, all of which I understand and share in, what has disgusted me is the way in which we of the general population are so quick to throw our judgements about, attacking all and sundry, having our own 'expert' opinions on how politicians, the media, the Army, the Navy, the NSG, and the police should be conducting their operations. What particularly got me miffed to the bone marrow was when people started attacking the media - since I am a part of it - attacking it in general sweeps that resembled the pot shots they take at that all-too-general entity called the politician.

I tried defending the institution but, expectedly, in vain. True, I did see a point in what they said - I am a fair-minded man - but I wish for an instant that people wouldn't be so full of themselves to air their asshole-like opinions with gay abandon (there's an analogy I'm referring to when I used that seeminly obscene word... get back to me if you want it). We are the very people who feed off the media, and then we berate it like there's no good in it. I would like to ask these same people what they would do if they did not have the media to turn to? Especially at such times? They would go mad and blame the country for not being like their more 'advanced' friends in the West.

That made me feel a bit for our politicians too. I could understand exactly what they must be going through at this point. Not insecure for a moment... but then neither were the aristocrats before the French Revolution. But definitely angry, for the same reason that I as a mediaman am angry. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not taking up for the politicians. I curse them just as roundly as the next man or woman. But let's be fair here. We do need the politicians to run the country. True, there are very grave, systemic failures (ouch, big word). These are what need to be corrected and what such terror attacks drive into our collective consciousness with the force of a sledgehammer to the head. Unfortunately, the politicians have thicker heads.

It's good that we berate the politicians though. They are a very thick-skinned, bone-headed lot, and only with such public anger can they be forced to wake up and do something. Otherwise, they will only continue to rest on their soft, padded tushies and make loose statements that get them into soups. The media also needs a bashing now and then, so we can correct ourselves. All this is needed in a free, democratic society, so that change can be brought about, and always for the better.

But this is still what we need. We still do need politicians and the media. We don't want to become a banana republic where all our freedoms are curtailed and we are forced to make pirated goods. In fact, this is what a friend suggested - that the Army take over. I understood the emotions behind the suggestion, and it was well-intentioned, but I'm sure that once it happened - God forbid - none of us, including that friend, would be any too pleased.

We do need to react. And the reactions we are showing are in the right direction. We need to force those politicians to get up off their butts and act. We need real, stiff measures to be taken. We need these politicians to realise that votes are not everything, that they will have to really earn it from now on. We've got to stop them from playing politics on such matters of life and death. We need to show them that democracy is less about them and their potbellies and more about us, the people. We need to make sure our voices are always heard loudest.

But let's also remember the old saying, that people get the governments they deserve. So we are no less culpable. Politicians are only our public face. They need our support and, sometimes, even sympathy. Theirs is a tough task. It's not easy being up in public view all the time and having themselves and every word they say torn apart by people and the media. But then they signed up for this when they became politicians. And they better deliver, or we will have their heads, like we're doing now.

However, a lot more needs to be done. We've got to press for more accountability from our public representatives (I won't lower myself by calling them our leaders). We've got to make sure that this fear of terror we've instilled in them doesn't disappear. We've got to keep up the pressure, and even stoke it a lot more from time to time. It was amusing, when watching NDTV's 'We the People' today, to see that Congress spokesman Singhvi was the only one brave enough to face the wrath of the people. Even that ninny Raj Thackeray and his disgusting family closeted themselves in their homes at the time. I'd like to think that Raj was actually peeing in his bed, holding on to his pillow, all the while that the attacks were happening. And thankfully, Karkare's wife was dignified enough to turn down that shameless Modi's offer of compensation. Modi and the rest of the Hindutva brigade in the BJP would be more than delighted to give any amount in compensation now that the Malegaon blast case will be thrown into disarray, and probably even scuttled.

An unfortunate outcome of all this has been that the Congress has had to suffer political misfortunes from all these terror strikes. Not that they are a decent party - they are just as corrupt as the next party. But as far as minorities are concerned, the Congress is our best yet. They may play some soft Hindutva in the background, but they are truly the lesser of evils.

Come May, however, and we minorities should start getting down on our knees and praying hard. For it looks like Advani, who I and many others believe to be the father of terrorism in India, is all set to become our next PM. Nobody has begun to talk about it yet, beyond a whisper now and then. But as the time draws near for the general election, the danger will become more apparent. All we can do then is pray... and go out and vote.

Jimmy Kimmel meets Jay Leno

This is not just another boringly journalistic, fancy headline. It's literally true. I had just finished with an awesome session of Prison Break (which, sadly, is coming to an end - curses) and was lazily eating the last scraps of dinner off my plate and watching the Jimmy Kimmel Show on Star World, when he suddenly announced that his next guest would be Jay Leno.

Now this is the last thing you would expect when watching a talk show by a star comedian - see and hear him call on his rival onto his show and see them chatting like old buddies. Not that I would place Jimmy Kimmel anywhere in the same league as Jay Leno (Man! I watch too much TV). I have always considered Kimmel to be just a bad imitation of Leno. His humour is way off - he does have a bit though, or he wouldn't be on ABC - and he seems to be trying too hard to copy Leno and still be different. So I always watch his show with only a passing interest and very rarely let out a small laugh or a Jeeves-like twitch of the corner of the mouth.

But with Leno being called on and seeing these two class-act talk-show hosts/stand-up comics meet across the table, literally, was a rare, once-in-a-zillion opportunity that wasn't to be missed. So I sat up and watched.

I was a bit let down, however, by the Leno I saw. Not that he turned out to be a bad egg or some such thing. He was the perfect sport and actually a wonderful person (these comics only hide behind a tough exterior, apparently). But it was his humour that wasn't exactly hitting it. He was trying - definitely he was - but without a script, he seemed like just a sweet, old man with a pleasant, good-natured sense of humour, not the genius that I thought he was.

This is where I was wrong though. The man certainly is a genius, or NBC wouldn't have chosen him for 'The Tonight Show' for 16-odd years. But two things I realised. Firstly, being a world-class comic is an awesome responsibility. Once you reach the stature of someone like Jay Leno, you're expected by the masses to have a wisecrack wherever you are and in whatever situation. We forget that such people are actually regular guys with regular moods. Sometimes, they just can't crack decent-enough jokes, especially when people are eagerly expecting them to do so. Humour, while being an inborn talent, also depends largely on inspiration. You can't just conjure it up wherever you go, especially when you're trying too hard.

I have realised this for myself once too many times. Some people, especially loving folk in my family who have been compelled by blood ties to look beyond my frailties and exaggerate my qualities, have believed me to have a sense of humour. Some have even laughed heartily when i have opened my mouth on many occasions. I believe I have actually been funny at these times.

It is, however, when I am trying to live up to this reputation among the general populace that I realise my failings. Even people who may have once laughed their guts out at my jokes suddenly start staring stolidly at me, with a look of sympathy, whenever I have tried to make them laugh.

At other times, however, when I have been unprepared to make people laugh, inspiration strikes. And the jokes I crack surprise me too, so much so, I seem to laugh the loudest. That's just how it is.

And yes, the second point about Jay Leno. I also realised that Blacks are much better at natural comedy than the Whites. Not to appear racist or anything. But when they open their mouths, stuff just flows out. Whoever you might be - you just seem to have that humour. Some of them, however, turn disgusting, and that's when it stops being funny. But that is just how the Americans have begun to view humour these days. The tragedy of it! That's why, I sometimes just prefer watching the Disney channel. Now that is clean comedy!

Killing them softly with kindness

I realised one thing when I was having a fight with one of my friends. It's my personal belief that the fight wasn't really my fault. But what can make such situations worse is that during the course of the fight, when a lot of hurtful words are being bandied about, the danger is always there for one loose word - just one - to cause irreparable damage. It's much better when you're on the other side of things and have the other party ruin things for him/herself by saying all the wrong things. At least you, for your part, are aware of the cardinal rule given in the Biblical book of James which talks about the tongue being able to start forest fires and all that sort of thing. So you watch your tongue - or try to do so without hurting your neck too much.

It's tough, though, I can tell you that. Watching your tongue I mean, especially when the other side is going hammer and tongs at you. It's all you can do to answer word for word, politely, just keeping yourself from saying that one hurtful word that will incriminate you forever. On the other hand, you have to keep your dignity about you and not appear to be the world's worst loser. So what follows is an artful game of who's-gonna-get-the-last-word-in, which, in street-fighting language translates as, who's gonna get the last fatal nick in.

There is another alternative though, which is what I discovered. I am amazed at the ingenuity of it too, which is accentuated by its simplicity. It's all too obvious really. The answer, my friends, to all verbal volleys hurled at you is to fend them off with equally attacking words of love. You may have heard the adage - "Kill them with kindness" - a rather brutal one, but highly effective nonetheless. This is basically what I am advocating.

Nothing irritates a person overflowing with the juices of insult and injury more than a few well-chosen, calm words of love and affection. Try this, my good friends. The effect it has on the other party is magical. It may not show up at first. But eventually, the frustration of fighting with a person on whom none of your insults are even showing a dent wears off the edges of the attack. And soon enough, the fighting party becomes butter in your hands. Or is it putty? It doesn't really matter.

Anyway, that's all I have to say about that. And there goes my secret remedy.

I am back - And about time too...

Okay people, I'm finally back - after the space of a whole year. I don't have time at the moment for a long post (it's 5 a.m.) - this is just to say that I am back, if anyone actually missed me. I know at least one person who did - my good friend Jimmy the Kid (eh?:-)). I must apologise to you, my good man, for removing my last post, on which you commented and all. I thought it was a very stupid post, and I promise you all my posts from now on will be better-considered.

Why am I back now, of all times, before the year can even be said, officially, to be over? Because the realisation suddenly struck me just the other day that ever since I joined the online profession, my blogging has come down. This should have been the other way round actually. So I have made my New Year resolution - a little early perhaps, but still one that can actually be kept. It is that I shall blog more regularly than ever I have before. Yes, I know, promises. promises. But this one just has to be kept, don't you see? What will my future bosses say when they find I have been in the online media so long... hmmm, at least long enough... and still haven't kept a regular blog, however crappy it might be?

So here I am... back with a new template and all. Yes, that's another reason for me to put my fingers to keyboard again. I am excited as hell about the new format - I think it looks really cool. Reflects the tones of my personality and all that sort of thing. Still another is the fact that I have been "gifted" - for as long as I last professionally in the current organisation - an official laptop, that just has to be used if I don't want it to go kaput.

Therefore, as I must repeat once again, for fear of the significance of this post getting lost in the moment, I am back!